Author: Elizabeth Thornburn-Korolus
Published: Jan 13/10
Dealing With It
Women will often find peace of mind when they meet other women whom they can relate to. Women come together for a variety of reasons in hopes they will connect with someone whom they find comfort and reassurance in. Postpartum depression makes these connections crucial to recovery. Most communities have support groups set up for women with PPD to come together and just talk, listen and learn from each other.
Postpartum depression can bring some very scary, unsettling thoughts with it. No one wants to talk about them. There is the fear that these thoughts mean one is a bad or unfit mother. The fact is, these thoughts are a very common link between these mothers, and they are okay to talk about. That is where support groups prove their necessity in recovery. Peer counseling is an invaluable tool.
When a mother is suffering with PPD she needs help and support from everyone in her life. No mother can do it alone, but a mother with PPD needs help and support that is more assertive and available to her daily. Having access to regular childcare, a mother's helper, housekeeper, someone to help cook meals are all ways families and friends can step in and help. Physical activity is another key element in supporting a mother to feel strong enough to pull herself closer and closer towards her goal and a place of wellness.
Much like we have discovered there is no one model of PPD, there is no one treatment. Talk therapy that includes peer support and individual counseling is often partnered with prescribed medication. Many women resolve to work extra hard through their therapy to avoid drugs at all costs. For some this works wonderfully, and others not. Other women decide from the moment the medication is offered that yes, this is the right route for her. Neither path is right or wrong; each path is based on individual needs.
Recovery by any means takes a lot of patience, perseverance and courage. For a successful recovery in a partnership, it is critical that both partners are bringing complete patience, perseverance and courage to the table. Partners frequently feel confused about what is going on and what they can do to help. They may respond to the mother's feelings of powerlessness with anger or they may concentrate on trying to 'fix the problem' when there is no problem to fix. Postpartum depression holds no equation. Without a steadfast 'type' of PPD and no one form of 'treatment' there is no answer for a partner looking for 'The' way they are needed.
When recovering from childbirth, all women will have a disrupted sex life because they need to heal. Hormonally, they may or may not be interested, but physically the vaginal tissues, or abdominal surgical scar, need time to repair themselves. Women can still be quite anxious about having sex after their healing has completed without having any depression issues. It is simply overwhelming to have intercourse after delivery, no matter how long it has been.
For women with PPD the disruption in their sex lives, and in the lives of their partners goes beyond the physical time for healing. There is now a physical demand on the new mother. From feeding to the physical nurturing a baby needs, they feel as though their bodies are always in use for someone other than themselves. Hormones, including testosterone (the hormone responsible for the physiological drive for sex) are still out of balance with where they were before the baby came. Their need for intimacy is alive, however it is in a different category now. Sex takes on a mental image of more work. Her body just can't give anymore, and to receive can be just as overwhelming.
Talking is the only way through any of the issues that come up for a woman and her family during this time. No one can read minds, so for anyone to assume another will 'know' certain things is an unrealistic expectation. Whether it is individual or couples, counseling to understand the nature of PPD is vital, and can often reopen the lines of communication.
The good news is that in the last few years, women who have gone through a postpartum depression have begun to talk more about their experiences. At the same time, health care practitioners have greatly increased their understanding and recognition of postpartum depression and anxiety. The general public as well has become more aware, which means you can find knowledgeable support in more areas.
Remember, many new mothers feel sadness, fear, anger, and anxiety after having a baby. This is normal. It does not mean that you are a failure as a woman or mother or that you have a mental illness. Having these feelings means that you are adjusting to the many changes that follow the birth of a child. If you feel you have what has been described as 'the baby blues' and they do not improve or they get worse, you may have postpartum depression. Talk with your doctor. Use resources for counseling and treatment. Even if your depression is severe, treatment can help you return to normal soon.
We have found that postpartum depression is treatable with medication and therapy, and its symptoms can often be eased significantly with the help of a supportive partner and support system. One way to help a woman with PPD is to assure her that she is normal. New mothers feel like they are supposed to be happy and may feel guilty and ashamed of their depression. Remind her that PPD is one of the most common problems out there. Never judge her and be patient.
Postpartum depression has a beginning, and it has an end.
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About the Author
Elizabeth is a 28 year old mother and wife living on beautiful Vancouver island. With aspirations toward Women's Health, Elizabeth worked in the Perinatal field (pre-conception, pregnancy, labor and delivery, postpartum) aiming for a degree in Midwifery, however school was eventually put on the back burner. These days, Elizabeth leads a very colourful, and happy life, which is accentuated by her writing, community service and a strong GLTB advocate.
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